The Phrases from A Dad Which Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

However the truth quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You must get some help. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a broader reluctance to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a pause - taking a short trip overseas, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, altered how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."