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The current year signifies a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the idea that someone could instantly end communication with a lover without explanation seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive guide to the words gen Z is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reply is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal traits suggesting a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your choice to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately extinguish any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {